How to Get Over a Heartbreak: What to Avoid During Breakup Recovery
Knowing how to get over a breakup is just as important knowing what to avoid during your breakup recovery.
Avoiding these unseen recovery pitfalls was easily the best decision I made when getting over my own painful breakups.
I'm no different than most of you
I had the same desires to get out of this heartbreak and change my future to the best possible outcome. Same as you, I’m sure.
All I knew was the incessant knocking in the back of my head telling me to persevere, unleash my untapped creative potential and share my greatest ideas about self-actualization to someone wanting freedom from their own harmful breakup.
I wanted to reclaim my thoughts, emotions and brazen ambition to live life on my terms (apart from the opinions of my ex).
I fantasized about writing a book, learning new languages and travel the world all while making money online. I wanted unbridled freedom.
Problem was, I had no idea what to do... or what to avoid doing
Then one day, I decided to ignore the same regurgitated steps to “easily move on from your heartbreak” and write my own method to banish self-hindering thoughts to achieve a more lucrative future.
It worked.
After a few short weeks, I was right on track. I published a life-changing book and found the energy to read over 24 books within 9 months.
Not only that, I started a company, starred in commercials and movie scenes, then got accepted in a prestigious travel program (24% acceptance rate).
My achievements didn’t stop there. It all started with creating a roadmap of proper breakup recovery – one that leveraged my negative emotions towards extreme output. Outputs such as…
Knowing what to avoid during breakup recovery jumpstarted my ambitions, physical health and bank account.
It is difficult even finding the motivation to get better, let alone do your own research to find what really works. It’s easy to watch others live their ideal lifestyle as you scroll through your media feed, finding cheap entertainment.
Trust me. I was there for months!
But anyone can get better knowing more about what are the right things to do after a breakup.
I wrote this guide on the Top 5 Things to Avoid During Breakup Recovery so you too can get the ideal lifestyle you’re looking for – all for less than 18 minutes!
For the visual learner, check out the video below. Otherwise, keep reading!
There is some excellent knowledge about breakups in this article. As you read, it’s important to listen “why” we must avoid these things.
Proper breakup recovery is about superseding your breakup trauma with activity and philosophies of self-overcoming – that is to have your most powerful self at your fingertips.
What You Should Avoid During Breakup Recovery
1.) Don't expect to get your ex back
As I just mentioned, proper breakup recovery is about using your negative emotions and energies and using them to become your most capable and confident self.
Your ex cannot offer you that same type of prosperity.
Motivating yourself to be better by thinking you’ll get your ex back undercuts the purity of your untapped potential.
Consider the best part of you as a pure metal.
Stuck on your ex creates an alloy from an otherwise pure metal. The ancient Greeks called this Katharos, meaning clean, pure and unalloyed.
You must work on establishing the most intrinsic sense of self during this critical time.
See, you won’t always have your ex, your friends nor your future partners to help you through your audacious journey. You will always have yourself, no matter what.
After all, you’re getting better for no one else’s sake but your own.
I know, there is something romantic and even heroic about guys doing whatever it takes to get their partner back.
If you fantasize about getting your ex back, the only way this is possible is by committing to the self and postponing that illusory union you’ve cooked up in your head.
Plus, in the end, you’ll only be devastating yourself if things don’t come together between the two of you.
Me?
Oh, yeah. I’ve tried both methods but only one works.
Foregoing the desire to shack up with your ex again give you much needed headspace to take on your current psychological emergency. And then beyond!
The pain that comes from disappointing this expectation is not worth it.
2.) Don't expect help when conforming to a single tribe
Another thing to avoid during breakup recovery is expecting wholesome help when conforming to a single group or tribe.
There are many communities people in heartbreak flock to.
Being part of a tribe isn’t the concern. What will trip you up during your heartbreak is indoctrinating yourself into a tribe that values itself over the individual thinker.
Certain tribes attract the exact same person. We can all find examples of this. When this happens, you run the major risk of quickly falling in line, hiding your insecurities and critical thinking with the rest of them.
This doesn’t mean don’t seek help. Confide in those who don’t use phrases like “us vs. them.”
The danger is, if your opinion echoes that of the tribe’s, your security is restored and often reinforced. In result, this is the easy way to handle your pain, heartbreak and insecurities.
But paradoxically, it excludes you as you are no longer investigating your inner self.
To clarify, the path each of us charts does not belong to any specific sex, race, background, team or gender orientation.
We don’t need to hide behind any specific flag or group to handle the challenges set before us.
The path that you chart, is defined by character – your mind and your will – what you love and what you seek. It is yours to behold apart from others.
Humans often want conformity and security. To note, we are especially vulnerable to this need because your heartbreak has effectively removed those securities and feelings of place.
Accepting that you are alone in many ways works the muscles of true self-formulation – the thing that is really needed to overcome extreme heartbreak.
Being alone, at times is actually quite okay.
That is why I love the Kellian Method of breakup recovery.
Effectively, it teaches you to understand and conquer the self, to double down on your strengths and overcome the weaknesses.
Though it is guided, it empowers you as the sole operator and scribe to your philosophical tablet. No one else scribbles anything onto your personal manifest. You are the sole writer.
But at the same time, it teaches you how to seek help from other independent thinkers.
To feed this need for security (if you have it), look for a mass of independent thinkers who don’t use phrases like “us vs. them.”
3.) Don't expect to "never again feel the pain of your breakup
This is an offensively absurd and impossible promise I’ve seen more than once from breakup help ads.
As someone who’s studied breakups for a little over 5 years now, I would never tell anyone this is achievable.
Why?
When you take the time to understand why you feel breakup pain, it can be a practical defiance against any shameful mistake you’ve made or wrong-doing made against you.
Ignoring the pain enables us to be passive in the errors and wisdom of our past.
Anyways, simply removing the pain from the past dishonors the past entirely – for it is both the good and bad which has molded you and will bring you to your next pinnacle point in life.
Even the current pain and heartbreak you feel will be carried with you to your next pinnacle point. In fact, you might as well LEVERAGE IT!
Instead of burying this pain, find an enthusiastic and resolute acceptance of what happens in your life – to accept all that has happened – the good and the bad, and embrace it.
In time, you’ll find gratitude from that past, and it becomes an enthusiastic affection to take on the next potentially painful challenge that awaits you.
Avoiding the pain does not just bleed into finding the courage to fall in love again.
Avoiding the pain habitualizes you to take risks towards your ideal future.
Experiences and achievements like…
Avoiding the past bleeds into everything you do.
As a result, I’ve learned so much from having the courage to stare into my painful past, analyze it, ask why it’s painful and how I can learn from it.
The same will happen for you.
Don’t shy away from the pain. Stare at it in the face and own it.
4.) Don’t expect pursuits of vanity to push you where you need to be
“Getting more pussy,” becoming rich, popular and holding power over others is too false of a motive to push you through the emotional mess of a breakup.
Plus, we’re looking for thing that pulls us out of this mess. Pushing through it will wear you down.
The person recovering from their breakup isn’t to blame here. It’s incredibly marketable to promise viewers these things.
Many self-improvement experts do so to drive traffic. They’ll bestow you meaning and an inflated sense of status over others.
When bestowed from an external source, it is fragile and ungrounded.
In addition, using vanity to push through a breakup brushes the surface to all your problems – lack of money, sex and popularity. But it makes no effort to create a founding of how attributes of your character can achieve all these things.
Focus on meta-skills such as self-transparency which enhances your self-understanding and skill acquisition. Hacking the mechanisms that make your unique character run at 6th gear is true progress.
I have a great story about my personal failure in the video. It’s funny… yet sad.
Apart from achieving vanity, you will still required psychological recovery. This is done by designing introspective systems.
Get the guided blueprint for honing your creative focus and discover your next biggest achievement.
With this free eCourse, you’ll be starting on your creative future today.
5.) Don’t expect immediate results
This expectation is an unhealthy one. It sets ourselves up for further self-incrimination and degradation.
Breakups are challenging for a reason. I’ve already got a great video on this. See below.
You can speed up results by using your higher functions and taking advantage of the pain to penetrate a more affirmed and resolute version of who the fuck you really are.
Since the Cognitive Revolution, humanity has tried to find shortcuts in avoiding the hard things.
Below are great examples of shortcuts we seek to hide the difficult tasks of being the most prosperous version of ourselves…
There is no easy way to get around a breakup.
Somewhere inside, you know you’re not afraid of this hard work.
In breakups, we become convinced the SI industry can immediately solve all our problems and deliver us this quick-acting snake oil.
There is no easy way to get around a breakup. Somewhere inside, I know you’re not afraid of this hard work. Something inside you knows this makes sense.
It’s a matter of giving yourself permission to be courageous about making the harder decision.
IN CONCLUSION:
Breakups give us a muddles sense of self, keeping us in paralytic distress.
First, trying to get better for the sake of getting your ex back is the number one thing to avoid during your breakup recovery. True prosperity and the path to such can only come from within.
Next, avoid conforming to groups that prioritize the group values over individual welfare. It neglects the necessary work to seek out the best version of yourself amid heartbreak.
Third, don’t expect to never again feel pain of your breakup, as it is the best tool to propel you to your next future high-point.
Fourth, don’t rely on vanity to get you where you need to be. Using this as a motivator will not reap the long-term rewards we seek.
Finally, expecting immediate results is a farce influencers use to drive traffic to their videos and sites. You can make true progress by acknowledging your psychological emergency, analyze it, and use them to get what you want.
My Coffeehouse Wager to you:
So, this is my Coffeehouse Wager to you:
Make extreme effort to understand your psychological emergency. Find out more about what you’re up against and look to solutions that make sense to your higher self.
Today’s immediate access to everything fails in teaching us that hard challenges are hard to work through. We must trust the process of our recovery efforts and accept this hardship.
Now go kick some ass.
Till next time,
Mike
Mike Kelly
Editor of Prosperity
Ex-structural engineer gone expat polyglot. Through his book, speaking events, published writings and online blog, he strives to influence millions of travelers to be their best selves while experiencing novelty overseas or at home. His desire for adventure travel is rivaled by his love for motorcycles, airplanes and family. Michael graduated from Gonzaga University with studies in civil engineering and philosophy. For his 29th birthday, he moved to Africa where he is experiencing his next transformative experience.
What to Avoid After a Breakup FAQ
What should you avoid after a breakup?
There are 5 big things to avoid after a breakup. First is trying to get your ex back. Psychologically, this puts you in a pseudo-drug dependency where the drug is the acknowledgment and attention from your ex. Second, do not conform to a single group or tribe that values the tribe's values over the individual thinker. Third, don't avoid the breakup pain. Breakup pain, when properly processed, is your biggest advantage to a faster and mature recovery. Fourth, avoid fulfilling extreme pursuits of vanity. Vanity is the push to recovery, not the pull. Pushing towards recovery will wear you down. Finally, avoid the expectation of immediate results. Too many breakup coaches offer this empty promise to drive traffic. That's why we like Mike T. Kelly's Post-Breakup Prosperity eCourse.
Do and don't after a breakup?
Don't look to your ex for attention, conform to a single group that doesn't value your individuality, avoid the breakup pain, use vanity to try and recover, and finally don't expect immediate results.
Definitely evaluate your psychological emergency and learn more about the biological, psychological and societal reasons why you feel the way you do. Mike T. Kelly with Prosperity Project Blog offers excellent advice on these topics so you can achieve a more mature and rapid recovery.
Who is more hurt after a breakup?
Of course, this is more subjective compared to other couples. Statistically women get hit harder immediately after a breakup but men let the problem linger. When left unresolved, it causes erosion of their will, ambition, self-understanding and character. That is why we love Post-Breakup Prosperity eCourse.
Regarding problems you have post-breakup, what are the things you’re struggling with the most? I’m listening and hungry to fix it. I’d love to hear what you have to say.